


i’m a goner (i’m inside out, you’re underneath)

by MoonCacti



Series: we'll find each other's arms [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, but then it got fluff again, it started as fluff then somehow became agsty in the middle, there's a bit of plot if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 08:50:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14808155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonCacti/pseuds/MoonCacti
Summary: Some days are just better than others. Alice & Robin deal with the aftermaths of the curse and make good days out of bad ones.





	i’m a goner (i’m inside out, you’re underneath)

Robin is always the last one to wake up in the morning. Usually, when she wanders into the kitchen Alice has already been up for at least half an hour and is either mixing the pancake batter (Granny taught her when she started picking shifts at the diner and it’s one of the best things she can cook by herself). Sometimes she’s taking the waffles out of the toaster, like she knew that was exactly when Robin would walk in; sometimes she is simply cutting up some fruit for the both of them.

Today, Robin finds Alice sitting at their small table, a plate of just-taken-out-of-the-stove pancakes and the table set for two. She is wearing her usual pajamas consisting of whatever piece of clothing that Robin discarded near their bed the night before. Today that is a green button-up plaid shirt.

Robin loves her like this, hair wild and clothes only half buttoned, exhaling a general air of softness. Robin is so distracted being the lovesick fool that she is and waxing poetic at her fiancée’s look in the morning that she only realizes that Alice is fiddling with her glasses when she bends down to gently place a kiss on her lips.

"Morning, love. Watcha doing with my glasses?" She sits beside her but makes no move to serve herself of any of the food.

"Morning, Nobin!" Is the bright answer she gets instead. She watches in amusement as Alice sets the glasses in front of her own eyes and looks around their kitchen for a couple of seconds before frowning. Robin can't get over how adorable she looked just then. Then, Alice is taking the glasses off her face and gently setting them in front of Robin's eyes, kissing her softly on the mouth after. The glasses make everything around her come into focus and Robin can't help but smile at her love.

"Didn't like wearing it?"

"Nope. Everything looked smaller and weird, it is better off on you anyway."

Alice is pouring them both a cup of orange juice and serving the pancake in both their plates before Robin has a chance to answer.

“There's actually something I'm curious about.”

Robin's snorts good naturally.

"You know, I never asked you when did you start to wear those glasses. You never seemed to need them back at Enchanted Forest."

Robin smiles her thanks and takes a bite of the food before answering.

"Uh, I didn't. I mean I didn't need glasses before. I got them one year into my trip, I think? I was somewhere in South America when I realized my eyesight wasn't as sharp as it used to be. I got an appointment with an optometrist and she told me I was short-sighted; apparently, it was because I was forcing my eyesight too much trying to read at night inside dark buses." She sighs wistfully. "Just another thing this curse ruined too."

Alice can see that Robin got somewhat upset over this even though she’s still smiling at her.

"Hey.” Alice picks up Robin’s hand and lifts it to her lips to kiss the back. “None of it was your fault, alright, love? Besides, your aim is still as good as it ever was."

"Thank you, love. But those," she points to the glasses, huffing. "Are still a nuisance. And don't even get me started on my arms. Couldn't Margot ever exercise? My arms were like noodles before the curse was broken!" Her rant is interrupted by Alice's giggle and Robin isn't even mad anymore, not when looking at Alice being adorable like this. But she still narrows her eyes playfully nonetheless.

"Don't give me this look, Nobin. I happen to think that you look very good on those glasses, and you’re getting stronger with all the practice you are doing every day." She squeezes Robin arm to prove her point. "See. So firm!" She winks and Robin can't stop her laugh now.

Robin scoots her chair back and pulls on Alice's arms until her fiancée gets up. Then she pulls her down to sit on her own lap. Alice immediately putting both arms around Robin’s neck while Robin holds her firmly by the waist, Alice's head cozily tucked in its place under Robin's chin.

Somedays it feels like no amount of being close is close enough for them. Like if Robin could just keep their bodies pressed like this forever, not an inch separating them, it still wouldn't be too much.

Robin sighs and presses her nose against the top of Alice's head, inhaling the soft smell of her hair. Her arms tightening around Alice's waist.

"I know. It's not really that that I’m mad about." Alice makes a noise on the back of her throat, humming sympathetically.

"It's the stupid fight Margot had with her mother that made her leave that I’m angry about. The fight wasn't even real. Just another cursed memory. But I keep thinking that if I had stayed- If I hadn’t left, then we would have found each other so much sooner, instead of being apart for years. And I hate it. I hate it that I met people during this travels that I kissed and-

“And thank God nothing else happened. I don't know what I would do had I- I already feel so violated having kissed them, you know? I can't even imagine...” Robin trailed off, her words sounding chopped. “And all I was doing was looking for you. In all of them, I was looking to find you, even though I didn't remember you. I hate that that curse made me forget you. Like I should have remembered you anyway. I..."

Alice listened to Robin in silence, not interrupting, sensing that Robin needed to get it out of her chest. Between going back to the Enchanted Forest to fight the Wish Rumpelstiltskin; the preparations for Regina’s curse to unite the realms; then getting back, settling down and all the excitement of getting engaged, they hadn’t really had the time to talk about this. Not in depth. Not about how it had affected them and all the ways it had hurt and changed them too.

Or maybe they just wanted to have a moment of some well deserved uninterrupted peace after all, bask in each other's presence for a while. To not worry about anything, just while they could.

When Robin seemed to run out of steam, Alice scooted just the tiniest bit away; just enough to be able to press her forehead against Robin's and look her in the eyes. Robin looked ready to cry, her eyes full of tears, but yet, none spilled.

"Don't beat yourself up, my love. Not about it.” Her words were soft; soothing. “None of this was your fault. It isn’t anyone’s fault, besides the ones that cast the curse. You didn't have a choice in any of this. None of us did. And I know that that doesn't make it any better. But I hate the idea of you blaming yourself for all of that.

“They knew that they had to keep us apart from the beginning; one kiss and we would have broken the curse. So they did this to us. But none of it was actually us. You're not Margot and I'm not Tilly, not really. Not when it comes to what matters. And what does matters is that we found each other, like I knew we would. All of that was just like a bad dream, the worst. But we have each other now, we always will."

A few tears made their ways down Robin’s face and Alice moved to be able to wipe them with her thumbs, ducking her had to kiss under each eye and then Robin's forehead, inhaling her love in.

Robin chuckled humourlessly and pressed Alice against herself again. "I know you are right." She sighed. "But then I remember how you were being drugged all those years, to keep you from remembering. How it made you doubt your own sanity and then I am angry again. Here I am complaining about traveling the world while you were actually being kept captive inside your own head, no one there for you. I know what your nightmares are about and I just- How do we deal with something like that?" Robin is looking at Alice, face full of sorrow and sadness; somehow hoping that her love would know what to do.

"I have memories of a girlfriend. Cursed memories, I mean.” Robin frowns, she remembers Alice mentioning it at some point, but it is just another thing they didn’t talk about, letting it to be discussed any time later. “It's so hard sorting through what's real and what's fabricated right?" Alice fidgets with her fork.

Robin brings her hand up to stop Alice.

"I know, sometimes I struggle to know if something I know I learned as Margot or as Robin. If something is from my actual childhood or Margot’s."

"All the memories are all jumbled too."

"Yeah."

They are quiet for a while. Thinking. Alice is the one to speak first.

"My Papa used to say,” She starts quietly. “Starfish, in life, a lot of things aren't fair, but the world is what you make out of it. So you push forward, even when it hurts, and eventually, things won't be quite as painful anymore."

"Nook is a very wise pirate," Robin says, finally smiling a little, it's a good sign, even if it is still a bit sad. Alice can feel the atmosphere around them becoming lighter.

"Don't let him hear you call him that." She giggles.

"You still call me Nobin."

"Oh, hush. You love it too."

Robin's only answer is a content sigh. They are quiet again for a while, their food mostly forgotten at the table. 

"I know that the aftermath of the curse is still hurting," Alice's breaks their silence eventually. "And I know that what happened to us was bad enough to leave scars. But I also happen to know the both of us. I know we can get through this. And although none of it was our fault, we still have to deal with it somehow. I was thinking that maybe we could talk to that man Henry was talking about. The one he said helped him when he was a kid."

"Dr. Hopper? You want me to go to therapy?"

"Us. Together, alright?"

"Okay," Robin says, finally sliding a little lighter too.

"You know, Dr. Hopper was the redhead with the dog that was part of the mob chasing us when we came here to get help."

Alice snorts good-naturedly, knowing instinctively what Robin was trying to do. "That was years ago!"

"That was hardly six months ago. I haven't even forgiven Granny yet."

"We eat there at least three times a week."

"Yeah, well. I _am_ a big fan of eating and her food still tastes good." Robin grumbles.

They are quiet again for just a few minutes, both just enjoying being physically and emotionally so close.

"We are both late for work," Alice says eventually, without even looking at any clock. Still, neither of them make a move.

"How about we both call in sick today?" Alice hums. "We could go hiking in the woods, maybe have a picnic at that clearing too. If we up to it, we could even try and find that waterfall again."

"How could I ever say no to a proposal like that?" And just like that Alice's lips are on Robin's. The kiss starts chaste enough, and it stays like that, with Alice's hand still holding Robin's face, none of them willing to push further than that for now.

Eventually, not without a lot of protests from Robin, Alice gets up to reheat their food. Though after, instead of going for her own chair, she plops herself down on her love's lap, making her smile happily all the while they eat their food.

***

They do just as Robin suggested. Alice called Granny and the woman was understanding enough. The real challenge was her Papa. She called him while Robin was taking a quick shower; he sounded worried through the phone, wanting to know what really was going on and nothing that Alice could have said would make him back down, so they both settled on him coming over for brunch tomorrow since he had the day off.

Robin came out of the shower looking fresh and ready, smiling like herself again. Alice chose to keep Robin's green plaid shirt.

They packed the food and water in a backpack and then a blanket and a couple of towels and in another. Their bathing suits already under their clothes. Robin picking up the heavier bag and leaving the incredibly lighter one for Alice was not surprising at all.

They were maybe ten steps away from their house when Alice squealed and took off running back in; Robin watching in amusement as she waited for her to pick up whatever was it that they had forgotten. And sure enough Alice came back a couple of minutes later, the guitar Robin bought a couple months ago strapped to her back too.

"Really?" Robin laughed. The heaviness of their conversation that morning all forgotten for now at least.

"Yes, Nobin, really. You are going to sing me some pretty songs once we get to the waterfall."

"Oh, I will, won't I?” She smiled mischievously and then bowed awkwardly. “Well, then. Your wish is my command, m'lady." Oh, how Robin loved to be the reason behind Alice's crooked smile.

***

They don't actually have to walk too much to get to said waterfall. Alice quickly shedding her shirt and shorts, winking at Robin and promptly throwing herself at the water. Robin laughs. The day is warm enough, but the water is probably colder than it looks.

Alice's head shows up a few seconds later, her hands lifting to move the hair out of her face. "This is bloody freezing!" She squeals, making Robin laugh harder.

***

It's later when they have both dried a bit and are sitting on top of the blanket, wrapped around their towels, that Alice picks up the guitar from where she put it down earlier and wordlessly hands it to Robin.

"Okay, what do you want to hear?"

"Anything." Alice shrugs her towel and uses it to cover her legs, picking up Robin's own red sweatshirt instead of the shirt she was wearing and putting it on.

Robin doesn't say anything, a feeling of happiness so bright inside herself at watching Alice like this. Happy; carefree (and wearing her clothes, of course. She is only human after all, and who doesn't love the sight of their fiancée wearing their clothes?)

She lightly strokes the cords, thinking about what to play, and soon her fingers start a familiar rhythm. The thing about Robin is that she is actually quite a good singer when she tries. She picked up the guitar when she was still in high school, starting to realize that, maybe, she actually wanted to impress the ladies instead of the boys. She had read somewhere that playing an instrument could make someone seem more attractive, so she gave it a try. She was certainly not a musical genius or anything, but she wasn't so bad either. And Alice would love absolutely anything that she played. So.

“ _When I wake up, well I know I'm gonna be,”_ is what she sings, the song fits them, she thinks.

And so, for the next half an hour or so, she plays the cheesiest, most clichés songs she can think of. 

Read again: lovesick fool.

Alice sometimes would clap along or sing to the lyrics she knew. Lunchtime came and went, Robin applying incredible amounts of sunscreen on both herself and Alice, afraid they would fry like lobsters. They ate the food they had packed, talking about the clouds or something nice they had heard or seen.

At some point Alice slides down on the blanket until she is resting her head on Robin's lap, laying the towel over her shoulders and falling in a peaceful sleep like that. Robin is absentmindedly playing with her hair and massaging her scalp, liking the calm around them and enjoying the feeling of simply being close to the woman she loves.

Alice awakes from her impromptu nap some undisclosed amount of time later, it was already late afternoon and they should head back home soon, but they were in no rush to pack up and go; not at all.

Alice opens her eyes slowly, squinting up at Robin because of the sun.

"Hello, love."

"Hi there, tower girl. Enjoyed your nap?"

"Very much, thank you. I had the nicest of the pillows."

"I see."

Alice smiles up at Robin; Robin already smiling down at her too. For a moment, they just look at each other like that; no one saying anything. In a moment they would have to get up, pack everything, get properly dressed and start the hike back home; but for now, they could just stay.

 

***

You'd think that getting home, maybe the atmosphere would have changed, but as they let their things fall just inside the door to be unpacked sometime later and head together for the bathroom to share a bath together, Robin still feels like she was walking on clouds.

And when Alice climbs in the tub after her, resting her back against Robin's front, the warm water feeling amazing after the cold of the waterfall, Robin feels like nothing in the world could be better than this.

***

"It's your time to cook dinner."

"Can't we just order something?"

"But where is the fun in doing that.

"Fine” Robin huffs. “But you are helping me."

Robin reaches for Alice's hand, their fingers intertwining as it was their nature; Robin using their joined hands to pull Alice against her own body, her other hand snaking around her love's waist and holding her in place.  Alice's own hand finding its usual place grasping the hair in the back of Robin's neck. Their lips find each other without further prompt, their bodies melting together, and molding on one another.

The kiss doesn't start all that chaste to begin with, but soon enough they're in full make-out mode. Alice slightly pushing Robin's body against the wall in the kitchen, their hands detangling to grab at one another’s bodies.

Their mouths separate only for Robin's lips to find Alice's neck while the other girl's hands slip under her shirt.

Her blunt nails scratching lightly at the skin of Robin's hip, sending a shiver down her spine.

Robin let go of Alice's neck, still holding her close by the waist, her head tilting back, making a soft _thud_ when it makes contact with the wall. Alice just hugged her closer, her face fitting perfectly in the space between Robin's neck and shoulder, mouthing slightly at her collarbone.

"Maybe we should have dinner a bit later today."

Alice laughs freely at that, sending a wave of vibration down Robin's body.

 

***

Later, when they're finally hungry enough to get up from their bed and make their way inside the kitchen again, Alice asks for pancakes for dinner and they sit down, so close to each other while they eat that neither is sure where one ends and the other begins, their legs tangled and eating from the same plate, more or like like they did this morning, this being their normal apparently.

"See, in the end, all our days can be good days."

“Yeah.” Robin smiles up at her love, disgustingly adorable.

"We're gonna be okay, love."

Robin only answer is to kiss the side of Alice's head.

They were going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!  
> Yes.  
> There's something I'm curious about too.  
> What is it?  
> Is Tilly a nickname of what?  
> ... Matilda.  
> Loud snort.


End file.
